MY ANOSMATIC LIFE

Not all good things last forever.

This phrase explains how I feel every time I lose the ability to smell because it’s only temporary. My sense of smell is no longer fading. It’s gone…for now. The past seven months have been nothing short of amazing and full of sensual experiences. I’m sad to see it go but felt it pulling away. I’m grateful for the time and enjoyment. I loved it while I could. This feels more like a break-up – a love that leaves and I don’t understand why. But I hope to experience it again…sooner than later.

What was it like?

Pure bliss. I felt like a classic Sharika. You couldn’t tell me anything. I’m a very vocal person with a keen sense of smell. If something reeks, you will know from me. If you smell good, I’ll let it be known. So, I felt like “me”: complimenting everyone, complaining about smells, super confident, etc. There’s something about walking out your door knowing you smell amazing. Aromas cause high-like reactions for me.

Smelling makes me happy and feel all fuzzy inside. There’s also nothing like cooking and smelling how your seasonings transform a dish. Instead of hearing someone say, “That smells good” while I’m cooking, I have to say it. When I can smell, I’m 100% able to fully taste. So I enjoyed the old and new dishes that I cooked.

Oh my gosh, my perfume! Well, my collection of perfume. Oh, how I love them all! My wonderful friend gifted me with some new ones a couple of months ago. I was able to pick some perfume for my Mom for Mother’s Day. I can’t recall ever doing that! My mom likes one of the perfumes that I’ve been wearing and wanted some of her own. Instead, I found a perfume that smells better than mine and she likes it. You have no idea how much that made my day.

I told every funky person that they were just that. No shame. It unapologetically made me feel good because I could say it. *shrugs* I also complimented every person who smelled amazing. A woman passed me while I was out and her perfume smelt so good. Like, I wanted to smell like that. I definitely followed her (weirdo), walked up to her to give a compliment, and asked what kind it was. That’s how much I love fragrances.

I love how I smell when I lather and spritz myself in the morning. Even though I receive compliments, it’s nice to just know yourself. You know? Shea butter and coconut oil will be my body moisturizer until the end of time, smell or no smell.

How do I feel about it?

I knew it would eventually go away because it always does. I don’t have high expectations when it comes to my sense of smell because I don’t want to disappoint myself. But in no specific order, I feel hopeless, sad, depressed, frustrated, annoyed, mad, and anxious. It varies. But I’m not upset when I have to pick up my dogs’ crap. One of my dogs was recently sick and I didn’t have to deal with the smell of his mess. It’s amazing how quickly my emotions change. Anyway, my family could actually sense my happiness. It’s more so despair-like now. As told by some of them, they feel sad when I can’t smell. That doesn’t make me feel better but it lets me know that I’m not alone.

What’s next?

A specialist appointment. The top of my nose hurts, it’s a pressure-like kind of feeling. That means it’s time to visit my ENT (Ear, Nose, Throat) doctor. I’m 99% sure it’s just my sinuses and darn nasal polyps that I’ve had since the beginning of time with anosmia. The 1% is whatever medical theory will be thrown at me.

I never look forward to my ENT visits whatsoever because 1) they usually involve some type of bad news; 2) there’s usually a suggestion to try something new or have surgery; 3) unwanted items and instruments go inside my nose; and lastly 4) because most of the appointments make me feel not only hopeless but helpless. But I look forward to hearing what my doctor has to say about all this.

In conclusion, this was the longest experience ever and a lot has happened over seven months. I was more present than ever. Hence, it felt like a gift that came with an expiration date.