MY ANOSMATIC LIFE

Q&A with Yazmin Salazar, The Girl Who Can’t Smell

Part I Life with Anosmia

I recently had the pleasure of chatting with fellow anosmic Yazmin Salazar, Creator of the hilariously awesome website The Girl Who Can’t Smell and podcast The Girl Who Can’t Smell Show.  She has Congenital Anosmia, which means she was born without a sense of smell. Since 2015, Yazmin has been sharing her personal life experiences with anosmia through her blog posts, Webcomics, videos, and memes to raise more awareness. What started as a Q&A quickly evolved into a breath of fresh air. This was my first time speaking with another anosmic. Yazmin is really as funny as she writes on her site. We laughed half of the time because it seemed so surreal to talk with someone who understands “your world of anosmia. ” Check out our discussions about life, relationships, and health issues with anosmia. 

S: What was it like growing up with anosmia?

Y: It was a very interesting way of growing up because I used to question whether or not I was doing a great job trying to learn how to smell. It was a skill I wasn’t learning how to do properly. I used to think that I had to concentrate more on learning how and that I wasn’t paying enough attention. I felt like I was failing at that. It makes you feel like “OK, is something not working because I broke my nose?” or something. Like “What’s going on with me?” You start questioning yourself and you start creating these weird thoughts in your brain. “Did I do something wrong…Is it me?” You don’t feel like you are 100% there. You feel different from your other siblings and friends growing up in school and you feel kind of guilty or ashamed because you don’t have that same experience. You haven’t learned how to adapt like everyone else has. I used to think smelling was a skill you had to learn. And I used to feel like that. But it wasn’t and later on it was just something that’s wrong with my nose, not something that I failed at developing. So, it was a very different experience. That’s why I kind of want to teach others especially young children out there that if your nose doesn’t work, it’s not really your fault. Don’t blame yourself. Don’t internalize that. I know every experience is different but for me personally, that’s what I went through. You never know when someone is going through that same experience too and that can change. It has to change. Children shouldn’t grow up being confused in that way. 

S: So, you’ve never been able to smell. How has anosmia affected your life?

Y: Well, I’ve had to have a lot of precautions. You kind of have to navigate this environment…this world with just four of the five senses and some of the dangers in this world have that signal that’s just based off scent. For me, it’s been very difficult to know whether or not there’s a gas leak or if there’s a nearby fire. The other thing that I’ve also had difficulty with is determining whether or not my food is spoiled, like any leftovers that I may want to eat for lunch the next day if I make  dinner or what not. I always have to be extra cautious too with drinking milk and I always have to question people. Like, I always have to ask them “Do I smell bad?” as well. My personal hygiene…I’ve always kept it 100%. I’ve been on top of it. I’ve been trying to find products that really work as far as easing that anxiety of not knowing whether or not you smell appropriate. I’ve had some really embarrassing situations thinking that I did smell appropriately at work when, unfortunately, that was not the reality.

S: Same here. Oh my gosh, the odor. I’ve shared this story before. When I was heavy into Bikram yoga a couple of years ago, I was laying down after class and started smelling something. This was during a time when I was able to smell for a couple of days and trying this natural deodorant. In my mind, I was like “What is it?” And it was me…it was my armpits. I was like “ Oh my God!” It was horrible. So, I immediately threw that deodorant in the trash. Like, I can’t use natural deodorant. And I had no idea. 

Y: Yea, we kind of can’t really run that risk of trying to find natural deodorant approaches. I tried one time to create my own deodorant. It was like an epic fail…never again. (laughs)

S: (Laughs) Can’t say I didn’t try. You mentioned gas leaks. Have you ever been exposed to one?

Y: Yes, actually my husband’s Grandma has a gas stove in her place. First of all, I don’t really like to go into the kitchen and cook a lot. I’m just so scared of fires. It’s some weird thing that I have. My husband is the chef. He’s amazing at cooking. But I do hold back a little bit on cooking. I had just recently visited that one time and wanted to make me one of those instant coffees. You know how you have to heat water and pour in the coffee mix, and stuff? (laughs) When I turned on the gas stove, you had to use a little lighter. That was already scary for me. Then once I had already prepared my coffee cup, I guess I forgot to turn off the gas and she said for like the rest of the day her place smelled like gas. She asked me, “Did you forget to turn off the gas?” And I said, “What do you mean?” She was like “Yea, you have to move the little handle back.” And I was like “Oh,” cause I assumed that I had actually turned the handle all the way to the edge. There was no way for me to tell cause I thought it had clicked back and that wasn’t the case. So, I felt so embarrassed too. Like, how could I forget? Of course I have anosmia and can’t tell but still I’m just like…I felt so bad that time. Like, what a way to make a great impression! (laughs)

S: (Laughs) That’s funny but it’s so serious at the same time. I’ve also been exposed to a gas leak. It was actually at my first apartment when I lived alone in DC. My plants were dying, me and my dog were both experiencing a little nausea. I actually moved my dog back home with my parents and then I stayed with a friend. I told my landlord that something didn’t seem right there and ended my lease. I was just feeling sick. When I was moving out, my movers said, “You should tell your landlord that you have a gas leak.” It was crazy! If I would’ve stayed there longer, who knows what would’ve happened. It’s just so dangerous because you can’t detect it.

Y: No, you can’t. There’s no way. Like, you can’t feel it. You can’t see it. It’s scary stuff! And like I said, I was just trying to prepare myself a coffee.

S: Right, for just something simple.

Y: Something super simple. So, now whenever we go visit my husband’s side of the family I’m like “Okay, I want a coffee, can you make it for me?” (laughs)

S: (Laughs) I totally understand. Like I don’t want to be responsible for anything happening.

Y: Exactly! It’s just so scary. When I think back, I’m like “Wow, if someone would’ve lit like a cigarette or something and that gas was all over the place. It would have been such a disaster…not just affecting me, but the entire family.”

S: Yea, it is scary. So how has anosmia affected your relationships?

Y: That’s a great question. I like to think that it hasn’t affected it but I know it has…deep down. I think I’m just in denial about it. (laughs) There is this type of I guess extra connection that people who can smell have with their significant others. I guess like people can smell each other and I think that’s an attractive trait or something like that, from my understanding. I mean I wouldn’t know. (laughs) But I think I’m missing out on that for sure. It has something to do with pheromones. I haven’t really researched it too much because I’m like “Why am I reading up on something I’m just gonna feel like I’m missing out on?” I’m like “No, I’m not going to go there.” But I think what has affected me is where my husband is a total foodie. Like I said, he loves to cook, he loves to try out different restaurants and places and I’ve noticed that I don’t tend to crave as much food as he does. It’s been an experience for eating sometimes and it’s been like a chore. Yes, I have my favorite foods because I can taste. The problem is that I don’t have the scent…it’s not like the luring in factor for me. It’s not like an experience for him where he’s like “Popcorn, I want some popcorn” if we pass by a movie theater or we’re walking by and smell it in the air or like Cinnabon at the mall or something. I heard that place is like the best place to smell. (laughs) I’m not enticed enough to go in there. I really have to crave something if I want to eat it. I think that’s where I haven’t relayed that to him 100%. I will definitely go out with him, especially if he’s inviting, right? But I think that where there’s a misconnection or whatever you want to call it. It’s not 100% there.

S: I get it. There is a connection with attraction and smells. This coming from someone who could smell before I lost it 11 years ago. I remember when I was with a male friend and could smell for like all day a couple of years ago. I hadn’t smelled cologne in years and I remember saying, “I’m sorry, this is weird but can I smell you.” (laughs) It’s just a different experience. When you have anosmia, it’s a total disconnect.

Y: It’s funny that you pointed out the cologne thing because my husband tells me that I never pointed out the expensive cologne he would wear (laughs) when we were dating. It just never crossed my mind that people wore cologne. I don’t know, it was weird. (laughs)

S: (Laughs) It’s very interesting because someone had commented on my blog about it—the relationship aspect. I haven’t tackled it yet but there is definitely a connect and disconnect with it. We don’t think about it so often. It’s in the back of our minds. But you don’t want to focus so much about what you’re missing. You know what I’m saying?

Y: Yes, absolutely. It’s funny too because when I got married, I never thought, “Ooo, I have to wear special perfume on that day.” You know? There are things that just don’t cross your mind. You are like “I don’t know.” And then my Mom’s like “Wear this one” and I’m like “Ok, you go ahead and choose it for me” cause I have no clue what you guys are talking about. (Laughs)

S: (Laughs) Let’s talk about certain experiences you think you’re missing out on with anosmia.

Y: That’s a good one. (laughs) Well, just being able to relate to others. Scent is an important part of people’s day to day lives. And so if someone at work or my family will have get togethers and they were cooking something and everyone’s like “Wow you know that chicken smells so good” or “Wow this is so good,” “These scent of candles you got, they’re so amazing.” And I’m just like “What?” I feel like I don’t know what you’re talking about. You know? So, I can’t. Then if you go on and say, “I can’t smell, remember?” They say, “Oh, that’s right.” They always tend to forget. So, sometimes I don’t even bother telling them and then I just nod. I’m like “Yea, it smells amazing.” (Laughs)

S: (Laughs) Holidays can be a killer sometimes too. Everyone was always asking, “Can you smell yet?” or saying, “You still can’t smell.” You want to say, “Look, I’m anxious just like you are to smell again! But your questions are not helping the cause.” I’ve always had people shoving stuff under my nose to smell and I’m like “Really?”

Y: Yea, they take it as a challenge. Like, I got something here that you will probably be able to smell if I put it in front of your face. No! Don’t give me your stinky shoe. (laughs)

S: Right. I feel like it’s so easy for them to forget because its one of our senses that we’re born with. So, it’s very forgetful.

Y: And then it’s an invisible disability. So people won’t know right off the bat unless you tell them. But even when you tell them they sometimes don’t believe it. Like, why would I lie about that? (laugh) It’s crazy. I don’t come up with these things on purpose. I don’t need attention that bad. (Laughs)

S: Not at all. This is not a joke. I’ve even had people laugh. Like, since when

is this funny?

Y: Absolutely. All types of reactions that you get to collect when you tell people that you can’t smell. I totally get the whole mocking thing. You know people doubt you. They are like “What do you mean you can’t smell?” or they’re just so surprised and don’t believe that it actually exists. Some are blind, right? If they told you “Hey, I’m blind” and you can tell and sometimes you can’t tell if they are wearing sunglasses. But you wouldn’t doubt them and say, “Oh, take off your sunglasses, I want to see.” You know? That is so rude.

S: Right! There’s so much doubt. How has it affected your mental health?

Y: Anosmia can affect your mental health in various ways. You can feel like you’re the only person on the planet with that condition, so it can feel a little isolating. And that can cause you to feel like you don’t belong and in that sense it can create this blindfolded way of thinking where you don’t feel understood and that can lead to feelings of being depressed. You’re depressed, you feel sad, you can gain anxiety as well and that anxiety can be too overwhelming if you allow it to be. I know that for me one of the biggest concerns has been overcoming my social anxiety because I’ve learned slowly how to come out of my shell now that I’ve opened up about my condition and now I finally feel understood. I think that’s what brought a lot of that positivity in my life. I feel like I can belong to this group of people and it’s helped my mental health. If you’re also thinking that your sad and depressed, you can make a lot of mistakes if you overcompensate by overeating or doing unhealthy things and that can lead a lot of problems to your physical health. It can affect the way your body works if you over season foods and that can mess with your salt intake and high blood pressure problems. All that is interconnected. If you don’t feel relaxed, you’re gonna be self-conscious but that’s only if you allow it. If you get to that point where you’re thinking too much about what other people think about you, like if you smell bad and all these what-ifs — breathe a little bit and say everything is going to be fine. Take charge of your mental health. Don’t let these outside factors or lack of sense of smell affect you. A lot of people say no it’s not a big deal and that can make you feel sad, like you’re dismissed. But just focus on the positive side of the situation you’re in. Meditate, connect with others, and talk to other people about it. That helps a lot.

S: Indeed. You mentioned the positives. What are the positives about the experience of having anosmia?

Y: First of all, we can’t smell farts. (laughs) Well, that’s a positive. I think that was the number one reason why my husband asked me to date him in the first place because when I told him “I can’t smell farts.” He was like “Omg, do you want to be my girlfriend?” And I heard that he passes gas with a vengeance. He’s really good at it. I will say that I’m not good at it either. I think that’s where it’s unfair. “How come when I pass gas, mine does smell?” and I get called out for it. It would be funner (laughs) if my gas didn’t smell, right?

S: (Laughs) Yea totally. Is there more you want to add? 

Y: A lot of bad smells. People tell me, “Oh, this smells really awful.” I went to get some Pho, that Vietnamese soup, and they had this marketplace store. They were selling durian. Durian is one of those really stinky fruits. And I took it. I brought one. I was just going to prank my family to see what they thought about this and saw it being sold there. I grabbed the medium-sized one and was like “I’m gonna go home and share this with everyone.” When I brought in that thing and put it in the fridge, everyone was like complaining. They started complaining saying, “What is that awful smell?” I was like “I brought something for everyone. I want you all to try this amazing fruit. It has so many benefits and blah blah blah.” Everyone was just not having it. They were like “This smells disgusting Yaz. You better not even open it.” I was like “I want to open it. I want to try it.” I eventually opened it and served a piece to everyone, but everyone was like “Get this out of here. If you want to go ahead and eat this, go eat it outside.” And I’m like “Should I go all the way to the park then go to enjoy this.” It was very yummy. I’d add that it was delicious, but I guess the smell was too much for them. So, I can enjoy  things like that. The benefits of food that may not smell as good…pleasant I mean…for everyone else. I mean too bad. (laughs) Sorry, not sorry.

S: Any others?

Y: You can go camping and not be afraid of skunks attacking your campsite. I can own a pet skunk if I wanted to (laughs) and not be bothered by the smell. Just going on road trips and not having to deal with people when they drive by milk farms or they have cows. Everyone always starts complaining about that and I don’t have to go through that awful experience. I’m good. It’s so funny because one time I remember I told a friend I couldn’t smell and she said, “No wonder why you’re smiling all the time” (laughs) And that made me think. That probably something positive…like a way to look at it. Your mood doesn’t change because of some outside factor. (nodding)

S: That is a different way to see that. I’ve never looked at it that way.

Y: I think that’s a benefit.

S: Can you share how anosmia has affected your self-esteem?

Y: I think mainly it has given me social anxiety. That’s the number one problem with it because I can never tell if I smell bad or if my breath smells, my underarms, or like my feet. It has given me so much anxiety in group settings. I’ve had an unfortunate situation happen where I wasn’t wearing deodorant one day at work and I was called out on it by one of my co-workers/friends I designated. It was very embarrassing. Even though she was my friend, it still kind of stung. You know? I was like “Wow, that’s so embarrassing.” You would think an older woman should know better. I remember that day I was running late and I forgot to wear deodorant. That day I don’t know what happened but I didn’t have an extra set of deodorant. I didn’t have any of it at my desk. From that day forward, I’ve always carried an extra thing of toothpaste, toothbrush, mouthwash, deodorant…like a care kit. It’s so weird. I was always watching out for my breath with mints and gum and had some everywhere. But that day I didn’t have deodorant. Unfortunately, I had to go through that embarrassing situation but you live and you learn. It did cause me a little bit more PTSD (post traumatic stress disorder) I think. I couldn’t stop thinking about it for the next couple of days after.

S: There’s nothing like someone saying, “You stink.”

Y: And some people are very prudent about it! You know? Some people are very blunt about it and I’m like “Sorry, I didn’t know.” That part is where I do feel like it’s caused me to have lower self-esteem but things happen, mistakes happen. I can’t beat myself up too much about it. Like whatever, I’ll just make a joke about it later.

S: Yes, because at the end of the day we are humans. What can we do?  For me, it’s people telling me about an odor. I once had these favorite PUMA tennis shoes that I wore all the time when I was in college. One day my mom told me, “Sharika, your shoes stink. You need to throw those in the trash.” In my mind, I’m wondering “How long have these shoes been stinking because I’ve just been wearing them everywhere?” It made me panic and think “Why did I have to come home for my mom to tell me that my shoes stink?” So crazy! With moments like that, I just don’t know when something’s stinking. I wish I did but thanks for telling me.

Y: Yea, I think that’s a problem. People don’t want to tell out of them also feeling embarrassed for you. I think that’s the one thing people have to understand. You have to tell us. You’re going to have to go through that little embarrassing time even though you know we might react sensitively. It’s still better then going around thinking that everything’s fine and dandy and it’s not. There’s that extra embarrassment. Like, spare us from that. Please people.

S: Please and thanks.

Y: (Laughs) Please and thank you.

S: How has anosmia affected your taste? 

Y: Taste. I get that question a lot too. I automatically get “Well, can you taste?” I have to explain to people that what you’re trying to say is “Can I perceive flavor?” because that’s what people automatically assume. But taste is one of the factors in flavor. For them, it’s the most potent factor. Flavor has a lot more to it — like the texture of the food and the scent like I don’t have and the ability to detect. It doesn’t mean that I can’t decipher the basic tastes. The sourness, bitterness, saltiness…the five basic tastes. I’ve reading so much on that. I think that it’s what it is basically. People figure we can’t taste but yes, we can. We process all that. Why do you think I’m a little overweight? (laughs) Of course I love to eat. I just don’t eat all the time because I forget sometimes.

S: I get asked that all the time. So, I was curious what your reaction was to that question because it’s interesting. I’ve shared that I can taste, but it’s mediocre. I’m tasting something but it’s not the full effect. It’s to my anosmia standards. You know what I’m saying?

Y: Yea, exactly and you know that’s kind of what I wanted to point out. My sense of taste is probably muted compared to the rest of people who can smell. So, I don’t know if you have the same experience but do you tend to over season your food?

S: What? Yes! (laughs) I love salt, pepper, paprika, everything. I put everything on all my food. I really over season. It’s horrible. My nephew says all the time “You put salt and pepper on everything.” I have to enhance my food because I could barely taste it. I’ve actually had high blood pressure. I got rid of it a couple of years ago but just from doing that and using all that salt, I got high blood pressure. What about you? 

Y: Yea and it’s so embarrassing. (laughs) It’s why I don’t cook. I was brave to cook some chicken for my sister when I went to go visit her recently in Texas. I was like “Oh, I’ll make some chicken.” I totally over seasoned that chicken and she was like “Yaz, I have to drink a gallon of water just to wash down the amount of salt you added on this chicken.” I’m like “Oh my God, don’t tell me that!”  She’s like “Yaz, what’s wrong with you?” I’m like “My taste is what’s wrong with me! Sorry.” (Laughs) She’s like “Never again!” And I did not cook for the rest of the week because it was so embarrassing. But also I love to add hot sauce to my food, like to everything. I add hot sauce to the jalapeño Cheetos too, like if I crave those. I will add even more hot sauce. I’ll add lemon juice. I mean anything that gives me that heightened taste.

S: Yes, the hotter and more it makes me cry.

Y: I love that! I love sour candy. I mean I could go ahead and compete in one of the those really hot wing challenges. (laughs) I’d probably win every time if I competed in them. I just don’t know if I should though. I feel like it would be kind of cheating. (laughs)

S: Like, where does this chick come from? How is she eating all of this? (laughs)

Y: (Laughs) And it’s funny because I’m Hispanic. Like my parents are Mexican and I have access to jalapeños, hot sauce, and chips and salsa all the time. So, I love it! I love the heat. I love that factor.

S: Yea, I didn’t like spicy food until I got anosmia.

Y: Oh, really?

S: Now, I love everything spicy. The more my eyes are watery and my nose is dripping, the merrier. I feel like it helps my senses (in my head) — the hotter, the better for me. I honestly think that it’s totally a mind thing.

Y: I mean, I heard that it triggers that trigeminal nerve that we have running across our forehead and that it also processes sense. If you eat spicy food, it triggers that nerve. So, I think that’s why we eat spicy food. I read about the science behind all that. I’m no scientist, but I think it’s so fascinating to learn why we do things sometimes. I think that’s mainly why I like spicy foods. I don’t mind learning about all these things. They are great, but like I’m reading up on that information while snacking on some chips and salsa. (laughs)

Check out Part II where we actually get more serious about the impact of anosmia, anosmia awareness, and why this invisible disability isn’t as visible as it should be. In the meantime, take a look at Yazmin’s website The Girl Who Can’t Smell.