MY ANOSMATIC LIFE

Over 12 years ago, I acquired anosmia. I had my sense of smell for over two decades and then it was gone. So, I know what it’s like to have and to have lost the sense of smell. I can actually count on (my fingers of) two hands how many times I’ve been able to smell for over a decade. That’s out of more than 144 months and 4,380 days. But I do remember certain times more than others.

There was the first time when I was living in New York during the Spring of 2010. I could smell it for an entire day. I remember because I asked my male friend if I could smell him, particularly his cologne. After all, it had been a while since I smelt some. Later, I got a whiff of trash on the streets of New York and the subway for the first time on my way to eat Indian food. Finally, I understood why my roommate/friend would sometimes say, “Girl, you’re lucky you can’t smell right now” when we would be on the streets or underground. It was a day of overwhelming smells, but I was so happy that I could smell it. Then it was gone by the time I woke up. Of course, that wasn’t my only experience. But it’s the only one that I remember exactly what happened the entire day because it was the first time I could smell and “really” taste since I lost my sense of smell. To this day I have no clue what brought it back then.

Now, steroids usually bring my smell back – as stated numerous times. My Ear, Nose, and Throat (ENT) doctor would prescribe them every other year to treat my inflamed nasal polyps. I actually had a bad reaction to the last oral ones I tried two years ago that were prescribed to “shrink” my polyps. Side effects are real and hit me every round. But every time I would hear “I’m going to prescribe you prednisone,” I would get excited because I knew what that meant. It meant that I’d be able to smell for a couple of days to a week. Whatever the period, I’ll take it.

Since November of last year, I’ve been able to smell. June marks seven months. It’s a record, but who’s really counting…just me. For the entire seven months, I’ve been going to sleep every night wondering if I’ll wake up still able to smell. I’ve been waking up every morning anxious to smell and deeply inhaling what I wake up to, from my breath to food cooking. But my sense of smell is fading…again.

It’s about gone and I don’t know how to stop it. I haven’t heard myself say, “That smells good” or “That tastes good” for a couple of days. I barely tasted the fruit I ate this morning, the delicious salmon salad for lunch, and the trail mix I can’t stop eating. This past weekend, I cooked some French Toast and didn’t catch the pan-burning smell (I guess). The smoke alarm went off. Yes, that’s what stove fans are for, but I didn’t notice any smoke.

No matter how faithfully I use my nasal spray Fluticasone, take Zyrtec for my ridiculous allergies, get my allergy shots every two weeks, and everything else I’ve tried, I have yet to figure out how to make my sense of smell stay permanently. It’s frustrating, depressing, and so many other emotions.

So you see, I know what it’s like to have and to have lost the sense of smell. It’s hard not to think about the future in regards to whether or not my anosmic days will be long gone or if I’ll be stuck with these random bouts of being able to smell. I don’t know!

Regardless, I am still trying my best to be mindful of my thoughts and thankful for my progress. This is where I am and I’ve come a long way. I’m enjoying the “smell” moments when I can, but also learning to accept that I’ve got to keep it moving, smell or no smell.